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This is a song from Once Upon A Mattress. A Broadway musical based on the fairy tale story of the Princess and the Pea. If you can, see the version with Carol Burnett as Winnifred!
Prince Dauntless needs to wed a genuine princess. Winnifred has swum the castle moat and is trying to pass a secret test in order to become the princess bride.
Winnifred: By the way, Dauntless, I don’t think I ever told you… my full name is Winnifred the Woebegone. But Winnifred’s too formal. You can call me by my nickname.
Prince Dauntless: Winnie?
Winnifred: Fred.
Dauntless: Fred! What a beautiful name! So straight… so strong… so you!
SONG OF LOVE
Dauntless: I like you, Fred, I like you!
Winnifred: You’re just saying those words to be kind.
Dauntless: No, I mean it. I like… I mean I love you, Fred!
Winnifred: He is out of his medieval mind!
Dauntless: I’m perfectly sane and sound! I never felt better in my life! Everybody… Everybody! Everybody come and meet my incipient wife! I’m in love with a girl named Fred! My reasons must be clear: When she shows you all how strong she is you’ll stand right up and cheer!
(Fred lifts a huge weight.)
Knights & Ladies: With and “F” and an “R” and an “E” and a “D” And an “F-R-E-D” Fred! Yeah!
Dauntless: I’m in love with a girl named Fred! She drinks just like a Lord! So sing a merry drinking song and let the wine be poured!
(Fred drinks an enormous goblet of wine.)
Knights & Ladies: Fill the bowl to overflowing raise the goblet high!
(Fred lifts a huge weight.)
Knights & Ladies: With and “F” and an “R” and an “E” and a “D” And an “F-R-E-D” Fred! Yeah!
Dauntless: I’m in love with a girl named Fred! She sings just like a Bird! You’ll be left completely speechless when her gentle voice is heard!
(Fred sings a Jazz Riff.)
Knights & Ladies: Fill the bowl to overflowing raise the goblet high!
(Fred drinks wine.) (Fred lifts a huge weight.)
Knights & Ladies: With and “F” and an “R” and an “E” and a “D” And an “F-R-E-D” Fred! Yeah!
Dauntless: I’m in love with a girl named Fred! She wrestles like a Greek! You will clap your hands in wonder at her fabulous technique!
(Fred throws Dauntless, karate-style.)
Knights & Ladies: (clap in rhythm)
(Fred does acrobatic trick.) (Fred sings jazz riff.) (Fred drinks wine.)
Knights & Ladies: Fill the bowl to overflowing raise the goblet high!
(Fred lifts a huge weight.)
Knights & Ladies: With and “F” and an “R” and an “E” and a “D” And an “F-R-E-D” Fred! Yeah!
Dauntless: I’m in love with a girl named Fred! Who dances with such grace! You are bound to sing her praises ’til you’re purple in the face!
(Fred does Spanish Panic Dance. i.e. Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo! Bravo! Bravissimo!)
Knights & Ladies: Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo! Bravo! Bravissimo!
(Fred throws Dauntless.)
Knights & Ladies: (clap in rhythm)
(Fred does acrobatic trick.) (Fred sings jazz riff.) (Fred drinks wine.)
Knights & Ladies: Fill the bowl to overflowing, raise the goblet high!
(Fred lifts a huge weight.)
Knights & Ladies: With and “F” and an “R” and an “E” and a “D” And an “F-R-E-D” Fred! Yeah!
Dauntless: I’m in love with a girl named Fred! She’s musical to boot! She will set your feet a-tapping when she plays upon her lute!
(Fred plays lute.)
Knights & Ladies: (tap feet in rhythm)
(Fred does the Spanish Panic.)
Knights & Ladies: Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo! Bravo! Bravissimo!
(Fred throws Dauntless.) (Fred does acrobatic trick.)
Knights & Ladies: (clap in rhythm)
(Fred skats wildly.) (Fred drinks wine.)
Knights & Ladies: Fill the bowl to overflowing, raise the goblet high!
(Fred lifts a huge weight.)
Knights & Ladies: With and “F” and an “R” and an “E” and a “D” And an “F-R-E-D” Fred! Yeah!
Dauntless: I’m in love with a girl named Fred! A clever, clownish wit! When she does her funny pantomime your sides are sure to split!
(Fred does funny pantomime.)
Knights & Ladies: Ha-ha-ha-ha, Ho-ho-ho-ho, Ha-ha-ha-ha-Ho!
(Fred plays lute.)
Knights & Ladies: (tap feet in rhythm)
(Fred does the Spanish Panic.)
Knights & Ladies: Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo! Bravo! Bravissimo!
(Fred throws Dauntless.)
Knights & Ladies: (clap in rhythm)
(Fred does acrobatic trick.) (Fred just laughs.) (Fred drinks wine.)
Knights & Ladies: Fill the bowl to overflowing, raise the goblet high!
(Fred lifts a huge weight.)
Knights & Ladies: With and “F” and an “R” and an “E” and a “D” And an “F-R-E-D” Fred! Yeah!
Dauntless: I’m in love with a girl…
Knights & Ladies: He’s in love with a girl named “F-R-E-D”
Winnifred: Yippeeee!!
All: Fred!
(At the end, Winnifred has been raised onto the throne. On the final note, she falls forward into the crowd… passed out.)
To see the other songs, go to http://libretto.musicals.ru/text.php?textid=249&language=1
Once Upon a Mattress
Music: Mary Rodgers
Lyrics: Marshall Barer
Book: Marshall Barer, Dean Fuller, Jay Thompson
Premiere: Monday, May 11, 1959
Bring me a plate of your magical food.
I’ve fought for months to lose these pounds
These lumps around my waist are me,
Though I’ve run a track, yet ’round and ’round.
I’m having cake and sweets and sauce
Yes, cream and butter, all I want.
I’ll eat the piles upon my plate,
Until I take a breath and pause.
This exercise, it’s for the birds,
I crab so loud, but then I think.
I’ll lose that weight with fun and games.
I’ll dance upon the bar and sing.
(Let’s hope the proprietress doesn’t hear,
The hip-hip hoorays and many cheers.)
Bo
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